anyway, its 28 may, and 4 more days to the results.

cant wait to see how i fared. i used to hate this kinda days, cos i was nv one of the tops nor did the grades satisfy me, i always knew i could do better and im worth much more and im definitely better den wats reflected on the paper. I started to feel exams and tests dun really do justice and those top graders just got lucky or they are "exam persons".

well its all just crap cos if u really want something, u will do watever is required, and what i mean in watever is doing everything possible like if u dun know... start learning, if u dun understand... try harder, if u dun look gd enough... change it, u get the gist.

as i get older, the fear of regrets and guilt caught up greatly. the numerous wat ifs will nv go away and have been long engraved in my well being and basically what i have became and how i became.

no regrets

posted by ikaira @ 6:30 AM, ,


its 6 already and i still have no desire to sleep, the father's alarm clock has rang the 2nd time which means hes getting up soon and will be occupying the bathroom and kitchen area.

this is exactly the time i wish fatigue would just come and grab me my the collar. i should be enjoying my well deserved holidays and not waiting to be tired or thinking about how to survive with lesser money.

just imagine 3 mths earlier i managed a mere 5 hrs eye shut daily and every single morning, i have no wish or want to wake up. i practically drag my ass to the bathroom and then the work place, and by 10+ im already half dead. lunch break was solely meant for an essential 1hr nap to freshen up. all for that piece of paper i said. that piece of paper.

although the last sem/hurdle would only start in july, i can feel the shit coming. the shit is coming.

posted by ikaira @ 6:13 AM, ,


its 4.30 in the morning and after catching harry potter, goblets of fire for the past 2 half hours, im still wide awake, unable to catch an ounce of eyeshut.

anyway im granted an interview this friday, this time GIC, somewhere i might have started out at and eventually went a whole round to finally arrive at. picky and choosy dosen get u anywhere when u are fresh... not even a fresh grad, only a dip student.

wish me luck, cos its something i really want and for this, it'll stink badly if i screw this up.

posted by ikaira @ 4:36 AM, ,


completing national service coupled with the holidays, i've become a bummer, practically doing nothing productive, slping at times after the day turns bright.

maybe i've been too used to being active 17 hours a day with office work and course at night, the mind just wun rest even thou the body is tired.

just highlights the stress and schedule i'll have in motion after the holidays and starting my first real job.

so i should relinquish the times where i get to bum and not feel bad about doing nothing.

revelations of a bummer.

1. im get to see wat the parents do and prepare for work at 6am

2. i've gotten used to recruitment agencies calling around 10+ in the morning and although by that time i should be soundly aslp, im able to talk with sense and not have that slpy voice

3. i get to spend minimal transportation fees and managed not riding my bike for 3 consecutive days.

4. i've learn to always shut the windows before i slp cos planes keep zooming pass my area every 30 mins

5. bumming alone is boring, but when u have a group of likewise individuals,the thing to do is to slack and do nothing

6. i've learnt how to play poker and while at it, test the guts and learn to look through a lie or a genuine hand.

posted by ikaira @ 6:50 AM, ,


the father came home with a bloodied thumb today, he hurt it during work.

seeing blood drip out from ur own father simply pains me.

its not like he'll not live with the injury. i know its not a small cut, but not a huge injury, hes a full grown man and more than able to endure it, but its the feeling of inability to do anything that freaks me.

thinking wat can i do to prevent this, to earn more money, so that he wun have to work and eventually get hurt? is staying at home and doing nothing wat he wants? have i asked wat he wanted?

this is just a small injury, he can still walk, talk, eat, be normal, just imagine the time comes when he'll have to move on in life, how would i handle that?

i know its part and parcel of life, and these things do happen sooner or later, but is all these necessary

the day will come, just hope its later than sooner cos im not ready, not at all ready.

posted by ikaira @ 6:15 AM, ,


its 4 in the morning, 04:12 to be exact and i cant slp and rightly so. now where do u find an ord person slping at this hour.

i always wanted to be someone big, huge, powerful, respected, idolized. but who exactly could be a name to someone like that.... in a bigger scale, lee kuan yew? adolf hitler? or in a smaller scale, the butcher at the market?

when we took our first breath in this world,
we're already someone's jewel,
someone every mother endured 9 mths for,
someone every parents loved and try their best to nurture,
someone part of a clique that appreciates u,
someone's sweetheart and meant the whole world to,
someone(s) father/mother whom they idolize and regard as god,
someone's favourite customer where u brighten his/her day with that daily chat,
someone's chatting mate beside his/her desk,
someone's favourite soccer mate,
someone's daily lunch buddy,

we're already someone without really noticing it.

The big question is "is it enough"

Are you fighting to compete or to satisfy ur soul, cos competing will never end, theres always a higher echelon, a next level, fighting on different metrics yada yada...

So lets fight, no to compete but to satisfy ur own self, no one but urself.

Now, do u dare to lay it all on the table what ur fighting for?

posted by ikaira @ 4:12 AM, ,


although its only been 2 days after my official ord date, im feeling the pressure of being jobless, no income, being capped financially. its like playing soccer with an injured ankle, so not at peace.

would i rather do nothing at home den to do something i dun like?

the free soul in everyone of us would choose the earlier anytime, but we're living in singapore, not some europe where the govt provides free welfare and free money.

the passed few days have been too gd with mahjong, badminton, soccer, fishing, even lan games and lotsa of meeting up, all the more making me feel its too gd to be true or unproductive in a weird sense.

may we heartlander folks are "supposed" to feel this way, always working, struggling, not anywhere neat the top nor right down at the bottom, right in the middle echelon. everyday working, trying our best to make ends meet

peasants * work, work*

some ppl become a millionaaire by just making a single investment in thier lives by buying a property. imagine 20 yrs back when sg was nowhere near its current state and property was dirt cheap due to the oversupply of properites(miscalculation by our government)

if our parents choosen orchard, lavender, bugis, east coast area instead of hougang, jurong, yew tee or whichever, we being the next generation would have been at least half a millionaire by now.

imagine all the difference due to a single decision by our parents, i bet they nv knew all this would eventuate nor did they even think this far for their choices.

maybe this generation would get the ball rolling making the right decisions so that the future generations would benefit.

but then again, look at the U.S., is that the culture wat we've really want to achieve? it somehow seems like a time line we'll eventually head towards....

well... oh well...

A happy mothers day to all jobless and ORD personel.

posted by ikaira @ 10:14 PM, ,


after a short hiatus, im back. have been busy with exams recently, and its nice to be resting and chilling. i never studied so hard nor did i thought i was able to study 10 hours straight. well, times changed and being disappointed when i get the result slip dosen sound appealing at all, so there goes.

the end of the exam also marks the 75th percentile which i've crossed in search of that holy piece of paper, 6 more mths and 3 more papers, i can finally say goodbye to the long journey to clementi and having nights to movies and everything nice instead of lecture theatre seats or pen in my hand.

btw, im offically a normal person, meaning im a civilian once again, able to do wat i choose to do instead of following orders and being kept inside a 3m by 3m cubicle.

tadah...

welcome to the dog eat dog world.

this also means im a jobless bump full of time and lesser money to spare. finding a job, a big headache to think about.

posted by ikaira @ 5:23 AM, ,