Three guys at a classy golf course are waiting for their friend to show up in order to complete their foursome. After waiting several minutes and at risk of losing their tee time, the three notice an oddball standing by the clubhouse all by himself, carrying a bag of clubs. The three of them look at each other, shrug their shoulders and figure, "Why not?"

They ask the stranger if he would like to play with them, and with a thick Italian accent, he agrees. While playing on a green, one guy asks, "So, what do you do for a living?" The Italian guy responds, "I'm a hit man." Not believing the guy, they begin to laugh.

"No, I'm not kidding," he replies, "take a look at my sniper rifle here in my bag, it costs $1000 every time I pull the trigger." The three golfers begin admiring the rifle and the huge scope that is on top. The first guy jokingly says, "I bet I can see my house from here with that thing!"
As a friendly gesture, the hit man hands him the gun and says "Here, take a look." The first guy takes the gun and looks toward his house through the scope, just past the next hole.
"Hey!" he yells while looking through the scope, "My wife is naked with the neighbour and they are kissing!" He asks the hit man, "How much for you to pull the trigger?", the hit man replies, "$1000."

The guy then yells, "Okay, I'll give you $2000; I want you to shoot my neighbour in his penis for obvious reasons and I want you to shoot my wife in her mouth for always nagging me!"
With that, the hit man takes his rifle, loads it, and takes aim toward the guy's house. He is sitting there for a long time, just looking through the scope. The guy yells, "What the hell are you waiting for?" The hit man says, "Hold on here, I'm about to save you a thousand dollars!"

posted by ikaira @ 3:14 PM, ,


Dear Mrs. Johnston, our store is considering banning your family from ever shopping with us unless your husband stops his antics. Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras.

MEMO Re: Mr. Mark Johnston - Complaints - 15 Things Mr. Mark Johnston has done while his spouse is shopping:

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's cart's when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, Code 3 in housewares... and watched what happened.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.
6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.
11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the foetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"
15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

posted by ikaira @ 11:29 PM, ,


when u just start off as a newbie, ur bound to make mistakes and get judged
it always feels lousy when u cant do something.
to me its not important the way the other ppl sees u,
its more important how u fall below ur own expectations that made u mad.

its all me myself and i. thats wat keeps the competition tough, doing what u know u can, not just doing, but doing it right, doing it up to the standard u feel ur proud of, owning it.

to be known, u gotta be gd. and to be gd u better work hard. u make sure u are right at the top of the food chain. nv be contented with a small fry.

strive strive strive.

being at the top, u get fresher air, get first hand air which will pass tru u and then onto the small frys.
being at the top, u get a better view. u will nv get blocked by small frys who are way below u.
being at the top, u will get noticed. u are the landmark, the symbol.
being at the top, u wun be like a small fry, thousands of them out there, ur just one of them waiting to die after ur previous small fry dies off.

quote of the date:

i dun wanna love u so that i can make love to u,
i wanna make love to u so that i can love u.

posted by ikaira @ 3:10 AM, ,


u surprise me,
u attract me,
u tempt me,
u confuse me,
u twirl me,
u own me,

but...

who are u,
where are u

posted by ikaira @ 3:56 AM, ,


the older u get, the more problems u have, the more complicated things are. but with maturity that comes with age( or so called presumed) arn adults suppose to handle all those problems with their maturity and wisdom?

what is maturity?

sounds like just being on the safe side where most of the ppl are at. not being outcasted by them and doing wat they are doing, (in the first place, do they themselves know what they are doing, arn they just presumming wat they are doing is correct)

so does maturity really comes with age?

dun think so. if one is a bird, maturity would be a cage. a cage which restricts the birds movements. not being allowed to do what it wants to do. always being controlled, limited to an invisible cage formed by who? (your own self? nar dun think so. society? general public?) who exactly? nobody knows.

whose mature?

to me i think its babies, adolences, teenagers. why? they are not restricted, they dun see why the point of doing this and that, so they do it their way. they are limitless. unlimited creativity, own style of way slowly being shaped by environment, by society where thier consent was nv given. this cage is forcefully put on them, without them actually noticing it.

the courage to breakaway. live my life i wan it to be. my way, my style. let me be coloured, let me dun care. let me stay true to no one but myself

posted by ikaira @ 1:54 AM, ,


a peaceful sunday. exactly 7 days before my last day in pastamania, i'll be quitting pastamania for the 2nd and final time. its time to go, to move on finding my own pasture. hopefully somewhere where i could find my existence fulfilling and satisfied with.

satisfied with
the pay?
the work i'll be doing?
my colleugues?

i dunno. wats my ideal? i dunno. i guess even 30 yrs old with masters wun be able to self answer that question.

i guess im safe afterall, just like everyone else.

damn.

just one of those days where u question the purpose.
lotsa questions without answers.

just one of those days

posted by ikaira @ 11:36 PM, ,


reviewing my pass few election entries, i kinda realize im in a stage i have no life. getting so interested about the election and after the final polling day, everything is back to the quiet old days. everyone doing their same old things. after the much hyped up election, theres nothing to talk about, to be more concerned about and to check it out everyday.

maybe this is life, this is adultism.



goodnight to all, and

bless those with pure hearts to stay pure, and

give those heartless ones what they wish for.

posted by ikaira @ 3:04 AM, ,


I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.
FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realising that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled 'WHAT?'"
I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either... but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

posted by ikaira @ 2:26 AM, ,


If God had a name what would it be?

And would you call it to his face?
If you were faced with him in all his glory
what would you ask if you had just one question?
Yeah, Yeah, God is great
Yeah, Yeah, God is good
Yeah Yeah yeah yeah yeah

What if God was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make his way home

If God had a face
What would it look like?
And would you want to see
If seeing meant that you would have to believe
In things like heaven and in Jesus and the saints
and all the Prophets

Yeah Yeah God is great
Yeah Yeah God is good
Yeah Yeah yeah yeah yeah

What if God was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make his way home
Just trying to make his way home
Back up to Heaven all alone
Nobody callin' on the phone
except for the Pope maybe in Rome

Yeah Yeah God is great
Yeah Yeah God is good
Yeah Yeah yeah yeah

What if God was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us
Just a stranger on the bus
Trying to make his way home
just trying to make his way home
like a holy rolling stone
Back up to Heaven all alone
just trying to make his way home
Nobody callin' on the phone'cept for the Pope maybe in Rome

posted by ikaira @ 7:43 PM, ,


6 mths ago, i felt i need a life and i quit my job

and now, 6 mths later, i got back that same old job becos i felt i needed a life.

6 mths and im like making a 180 degrees ke belakang pusing.

a total reverse of wat i used to think?

did 6 mths change me that much?

did i change in the first place.

posted by ikaira @ 1:49 AM, ,


kids are kids, they are like plants.
they are moulded by the environment, the air they receive, the sunlight they absorp. the water they are being givern.
if the sunlight comes in from the west, the plant grows towards the west,
if the sunlight comes in from the east, the plant grows towards the east.
if u take care of the plants well, they will become trees one day, spreading their big and high, and more importantly their roots strong and wide.

good schs are like gd gardeners, they grow the plants into fine trees. giving them the right amount of competition, not just competition, good competition. giving the the right amount of sunlight and water.

give the heartland a gd sch yea.

posted by ikaira @ 12:52 AM, ,


election has finished, which means no need worry kenna sued, no more no broadband in prison.

one thing i dun understand is why ppl living in yishun still vote for their pap. ever since i was in sec and even primary sch, to me yishun has always been branded as an ah beng precinct. all those gangster are mainly from there. dunno is the govt nv see or that they dun wanna care. but how to dunno, everytime got ppl chasing ppl around, openly somemore. dun tell me they playing block catching meh?

but who knows, maybe its the case of another hougang. i lived in hougang for most of my life and i love hougang like hell. although there may not have lift upgrading, there may not have nice paints and spectacular walkways, nor is there nice foodcourts, i love that place to bits. a truly heartlanders heaven. where would i find my sanctuary and reminiscences if pap took over and decided this one too old, that one not nice, this one not class, dosen fit our pap image, den change change change? nonono. no way they going to snatch my cheap and nice orh lua away. if ur have not heard of it, its in the blk 1 market beside hougang cc. tt orh lua.... woot...

heartlanders love the heartlands. that should be the way.

just as the saying goes "hu du bu shi zi" it means even a tiger wun eat its cubs.

i live in the east so im not sure about the other areas. but to me, heartlander places would be like toa payoh amk and hougang. out of these 3, hougang would say be the one with least facilities, least good schs. but the main diff between these 3 would be the governing bodies. pap vs wp

and one impt thing that hougang does not have and the other 2 have gd schools. lets hope in the future hougang would be able to get some gd schs in the future to join them.

why so?

firstly to me, neighbourhood sch = heartlander sch. ok....

i was brought up in a heartlander sch. anyway, most of the schs in hougang are neighbourhood schs and so all are heartlander schs. there arn much to choose from

not that i dun love my heartlander sch, its just that they have their downsides. when i was in sec sch, i dunno wat were my choices, why did i have to go to sch, alot of whys not being answered. it was my fault somehow ba, i didnt ask. and like how older ppl communicate with younger ppl, when young ones dun have questions means its alrite, its ok, they understand, end of story. but sometimes, the kids dun understand, they just didnt want to be seen being in the wrong, being corrected. and i was one of them, just kept quiet and followed the flow. ppl go to sch, i go to sch. ppl do wat i do wat.

the problem with this is i've nv seen the world, i dun understand the need to do wat i did. maybe the crowd who did wat they did was in the same position also. they didnt know why are they doing that. everybody just follow everybody. the blind leading the blind

heres the difference. most of the kids in gd schs know why they are doing all these things. so the crowd in the gd schs might all know why they are doing these. this makes them even stronger, the ppl synergizing each other, influencing each other. competing and comparing bringing others up another level without planning to. a possitive cycle. they climb higher and higher above the heartlanders. and not long after, they became the elite. lead the elite life, go into nus get into pap and watsoever.

and wat are the heartlanders left with. still living their heartland-ic life. its hard for heartlanders to make it into the elite life la... we start too late, understand too late, i only understood this when i was in poly. poly, even worst then sec, even harder to understand esp when nobody cares if u go to sch, its ur own determination and passion which helps you out. ur grades arn so transparent, u dunno how gd ppl are, u just do ur own thing and assume ur doing alrite, u just sink deeper and deeper.

heartlanders loving the heartlands,
i like that

posted by ikaira @ 12:16 AM, ,


WP in hougang



PAP in hougang



Enough felt.

4 words:

Heartlanders Loving The Heartlands.

posted by ikaira @ 11:54 PM, ,


when i lived in hougang in the past, i always wonder during election time, why do they not vote for pap, they can provide upgrading, and it just occurs to me that pap seems better. they are the gahmen, they are the right person to vote, it just never occured twice why it is still opposition now.

but now, if i could choose, i would rather hougang be remained as wat it is, heartlandish. simply heartlandish. the old ah peks and dirty and run-downed hawkers are what makes it heartlandish. the hokkien speaking crowd, the guiness drinking uncles.

that feel beats a selfservice air-conditioned food court anytime. anytime man.

a heartlander heaven i would say. so down to earth with ppl of such diversity of walks of life. ppl betting horses, betting 4D, toto. always hopping to make it out big, but staying small.

being borned in the heartlands dosen make u a heartlander.

posted by ikaira @ 11:35 PM, ,